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Correspondence
Now one of the things we have to get used to working in a civil service departmental headquarters building, is drafting letters for Ministers when an MP writes to them.
It is clear that some MPs take their jobs altogether too seriously, and others not enough.
There is a third category: the time-wasting moron.
I was shown a piece of correspondence today in which the MP admitted agreeing to every word in a letter he had received (and forwarded) from a constituent. The letter was written in BLOCK CAPITALS and debated the use of the word 'void' to describe council or housing association houses that are unoccupied for a long period of time. He thought that this might put people off applying to live in them, and that the term was 'unfriendly.'
It is clear that some MPs take their jobs altogether too seriously, and others not enough.
There is a third category: the time-wasting moron.
I was shown a piece of correspondence today in which the MP admitted agreeing to every word in a letter he had received (and forwarded) from a constituent. The letter was written in BLOCK CAPITALS and debated the use of the word 'void' to describe council or housing association houses that are unoccupied for a long period of time. He thought that this might put people off applying to live in them, and that the term was 'unfriendly.'
Thank you for your letter enclosing correspondence from your constituent of (some insignificant backwater of inbreeds) who has an irrational fear of the word Void!. That's three minutes of my life I won't be getting back.
I was particularly interested that his letter was written entirely in capital letters and had been written with very level lines on 'unlined' paper. This indicates an obsessive personality, someone who is very methodical and deliberate in everything they do. Given its utterly trivial content therefore, I would advise you have the freak searched for sharp objects before he enters your surgery again.
Given all that’s going on in the world and the complex nature of my own Ministerial Portfolio, you will, I trust, forgive me your humble servant, for not having had my legions of bureaucrats turn their attention to such a difficult and weighty problem.
The use of the word Void instead of Vacant is indeed misleading. Deliberately so in fact. The term void was originally chosen to engender an ominous feeling of dread in the communities, which had many empty properties. The concept that these empty houses contained some dark malevolent presence waiting to be unleashed was originally thought to have been a deterrent, that prevented the local layabouts from breaking in and turning the home into a crack den. Sadly we live in liberal times (that would be your lots fault that we are having to pander to such sentiments!) and local yobs tend not only to break in and use them as crack dens but engage in pagan rites and ceremonies too. Who'd have thought it, eh ?! Still it all adds to the diverse communities that we're trying to create.
Even as someone of such limited intelligence as yourself can see, the term Void meaning 'Not occupied or unfilled', is more applicable to empty social housing than the term vacant which I have decided I will reserve for referring to the space between your ears what with it 'not having been put to use' and all !
At the end of the day, it's just a word, it happens I chosen the right one, but surely nothing higher up the evolutionary scale than a concussed bee could make such a big deal over such a small thing. I suggest you try listening to people who have real concerns and try and formulate some grown up policies that have relevance in the real world. Alternatively why don't you go and play with some faulty fireworks. Big ones.
If you have any other 'insightful' (I hope you can discern the tone of utter contempt and sarcasm here !) questions from your constituents, please don't hesitate to - get lost !
Yours with contempt etc etc