How to answer the door in certain circumstances

[caddyman]

This is in answer to a post by mr_h_r_hughes. It is advice given to me many years ago, and I feel it should be passed on for the benefit of humankind generally.

Scenario: You are enjoying the free and quiet possession of your own home - and remember, it is your castle - there is a knock at the front door, or a ring of the bell.

You answer the door to find that there are two persons with earnest smiles standing there. They may, or may not have leaflets in evidence. There will be at least one briefcase.

Identifying themselves, in order of probability for the UK (this should be reversed in parts of North America), as Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons, they will ask (and I believe the form of words is mandatory) "Have you thought about letting Jesus into your home?"

The correct and approved response at this time is to say simply, "He is welcome always. You pair, however, can fuck off".

It is permissible, indeed expected at this point, to slam the door in their faces.

Edited to add:

Just to be clear: I have no argument with a person having religion. It's thweird cults I don't like.

Comments

[thalinoviel.livejournal.com]

No, I've done that. I was unemployed and desperate for human contact, so I let them in and we talked about God on several occasions. It was a little stilted, but OK. They kept looking up their Bible quotes (which they used to support everything they said), apart from one or two they seemed to keep as a universal panacea - which then turned out to have been severely taken out of context when I enquired further.

It was very amusing (in a slightly cruel way) when bytepilot joined in and talked about Eris. I don't think they'd really prepared for a rigorous debate. He also made them look up things in their little book of "why the bible isn't really logically inconsistent." (None of the reasons involved being written a very long time ago in several different languages and translated repeatedly and sometimes badly.)

Entirely the fastest way I've ever found to get rid of Jehovahs Witnesses is to tell them you're a practising Catholic. First time I tried it I literally didn't see them for dust.

[ribble.livejournal.com]

Sadly, not a practicing Catholic. Catholic nonetheless. Before I had a choice and my mother had packed me off to a Roman Catholic Primary School. I have however, made up for it since.

Funny things 'The Witnesses'. My colleague Andy is always one for rigorous religious debate. Especially when 'they' have an annual conference in Nottingham Ice Arena which is approximately 19 metres away from my shop's front door. Oh, that's always a fun Saturday afternoon. Like clockwork.

[scary-lady.livejournal.com]

I find that a very similar amount of dust is raised when I tell them I'm a Spritualist. Maybe we should set up a race & run a book.