I suppose this counts as one of those things I don't do...

[caddyman]

As stolen from many people:

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often or ever) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me.

It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

I am perked up, if still too hot. The battery on my Walkman is down to 50%, so may not last out: I need the divertissement...

Comments

[snorkel-maiden.livejournal.com]

Do you remember that amazing Indian restaurant we went to in Amsterdam? You had a lamb dhansak and I had my standard vegetable korma, and we discussed cross-dressing American politicians while getting steadily drunker from the Tiger beer. Good times!

[davidt3001.livejournal.com]

Remember that time you, me and Richard Dawkins were roasting marshmallows over a smouldering pile of King James bibles? I thought that they tasted a bit meaty, like underdone crackling, but I digress.

"Getting people to do stuff merely by telling them" Dawkins said. "We need a word for that."

"Suggestion. Orders. Mesmerism. There are dozens, you quack" you replied.

"No, we need a catchier word. Preferably Greek."

"Meme", you said. "But it will never catch on."

[keresaspa.livejournal.com]

What about that time you and me declared war on the Khanate of the Golden Horde? OK, so they narrowly defeated us but still, there were 347 million of them and only two of us.

[nyarbaggytep.livejournal.com]

There was that one mission, just before you left the service, do you remember? Of course, I can't talk about it openly, but all I am going to say is I still have the remains of that swiss army knife as a memento...

[fen-wolfchile.livejournal.com]

Remember that tea house in Gion.
You swore there were ninja’s everywhere…
I swore you were drunk…
Then our host for the evening fell flat into his sushi with a small dart sticking from his neck!

How we got out alive I’m not sure, although using the empty sake bottle as impromptu grenade was moment of genius.

[fencingsculptor.livejournal.com]

I say, what about that time when we attempted to cross the Chola Pass, when we were caught between that heard of rather irate yaks and that those rather rum looking Tibetan trader chaps !

Bit grim what !?

Pity poor old Hetherington-Smythe didn’t make it.
I remember you tried to convince him that drenching himself in black treacle toffee and wearing a shaggy old sheep skin to disguise himself as a female Nak and attempting to hide in the heard was a bad idea.

T’was brutal watching those Yaks going at ‘im….
Brutal.

[maleghast.livejournal.com]

It seems I'm not the only one to have been in the odd scrape with you, old boy... Anyway, reading the remembrance of things past as laid out by others was indeed the madeleine to my own recollection and it has brought to mind my most treasured memory of our adventures together...

We had been traveling up the White Nile for days, Fortesque was already lost to the Malaria - a dead man walking - and morale was at an all time low, when you showed your mettle once again by remembering that crocodile was actually not a bad meal at a push and the chaps were all a lot more cheerful after we'd tied up the boat, watched you wrestle a croc in the shallows and then had a good old sing-song around the fire while the scaly bugger filled our bellies. Good Times!

[anubisgrrl.livejournal.com]

Roaches, it had to be roaches. I am not sure what possessed you to buy that tin whistle from that street vender on the way to pub that night. We all thought you were being very eccentric indeed. The way the man cackled when you handed over the fiver should have tipped you off.

Of course, you had to play the blasted thing. And there they came--the roaches, scurrying, twitching, and dancing. Man, could those little bastards dance! I think it was a jig of some sort, though I swear a few were Morris dancing in one corner with a broken cocktail sword and discarded sweets wrappers.

It was fine until they started synchronized swimming in the cider!

Last time we let you talk to mad whistle men in Clapham!

[theo]

Which of us first thought of cleaning and tidying Beastie's bedroom while he was out? It didn't seem so funny when he vanished for 36 hours while trying to find where his home had gone. Perhaps he can laugh about it now.

[motorpickle.livejournal.com]

Remember when you opened the envelope at the pub quiz and won the prize money....

[sack-boy.livejournal.com]

Do you recall the time we were having a nice cup of tea in the Lab, when you accidentally nudged the controls of the Chronovacillator 2000? We didn't notice until we examined the telemetry from the probe. Of course no-one else will ever know that the prototype wasn't triggered at the Martian L2 lagrangian point on December 25th 5 B.C. Fortunately the Tunguska region was uninhabited.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Remember our hair salon/ burger joint venture 'Perm 'n' Vermin'? We could have been rich if you hadn't listened to Branson...

[trav28.livejournal.com]

During the late 80's we did too much speed on the M1 while driving your Ford Granada backwards. To avoid being stopped by coppers we made a rest stop at a little chef. After watching the Armenian prostitute waitress dancing on counter, she said avoid the cherry pancakes as the chef did not wash his hands prior to preparing them. The red curtained staff area remained off limits but that Armenian waitress was pretty persuasive.

[romney.livejournal.com]

Now then, put me straight. Was it my idea or yours to steal that blasted Idol?
I know we took it in turns to drag it back down the mountain trail, and I know we divvied-up the gold foil we spent half the night scraping off of the dratted thing. (Which quite ruined the penknife my Uncle Agatha gave me at the last St Crispin’s day hunt he was able to attend before the affair with the ostrich)
And, dear chap, I’m also happy that it was you that won the Emerald when we drew lots for it (best of three - my pack of cards, then your pack of cards, then the new unmarked pack)
But now, it seems the Curse is determined to follow not the current owner of the bloody stone, but the chap who decided to steal it. After all, you sold it to Tompkins and I believe he’s just inherited his Father’s estate, fortunes and mistresses.
So I suppose I’d better get to the point, as the little chaps with the blowpipes are becoming a bit impatient. Dear chap, if it was you that decided to steal the thing, can you reply to this email and provide me with your current address?