caddyman: (Default)
caddyman ([personal profile] caddyman) wrote2003-06-13 11:03 am

Kill, murder, maim - see harm

I have just had a Positively 4th Street moment. (Bob Dylan fans will know what I mean).

Right now there is a person I should dearly like to skewer like a kebab and roast slowly on an open fire. I haven't decided on whether he needs basting, yet. Probably.

Still, calm, calm, calm.

In an hour I shall be content with mere evisceration, an hour after that a simple flaying will do. As the day passes and he keeps out of my way I shall probably lower my demands progressively through the iron maiden and wrack, to a simple pressing.

By early afternoon, I shall be content to administer a merciful beheading.

As things are, though, and given that all those fabulous old Anglo-Saxon laws have long since dropped out of use, I daresay a stiffly worded e-mail will have to do.

Sometimes civilisation just ain't what it's cracked up to be.