caddyman: (Default)
[personal profile] caddyman
I have just had a Positively 4th Street moment. (Bob Dylan fans will know what I mean).

Right now there is a person I should dearly like to skewer like a kebab and roast slowly on an open fire. I haven't decided on whether he needs basting, yet. Probably.

Still, calm, calm, calm.

In an hour I shall be content with mere evisceration, an hour after that a simple flaying will do. As the day passes and he keeps out of my way I shall probably lower my demands progressively through the iron maiden and wrack, to a simple pressing.

By early afternoon, I shall be content to administer a merciful beheading.

As things are, though, and given that all those fabulous old Anglo-Saxon laws have long since dropped out of use, I daresay a stiffly worded e-mail will have to do.

Sometimes civilisation just ain't what it's cracked up to be.

(no subject)

Date: 2003-06-13 03:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] caffeine-fairy.livejournal.com
Details! We need details!

(no subject)

Date: 2003-06-13 05:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pax-draconis.livejournal.com
...and exclusive rights to the screenplay!

Re: Might I suggest the Purdey sir?

Date: 2003-06-13 07:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] caddyman.livejournal.com
Trust me when I say even the easiest going of Neanderthals would snub yon pedantic jobsworth.

I discard him.

A purdey is altogether too elegant a method of despatch, but thank you for the suggestion.

Inserting a Lewis Machine Gun might be fun, though. And if properly done it would act as an excellent flash-suppressant, too.

Our Boys in the trenches didn't call it the Belgian Rattlesnake for nothing, you know.

Re: Might I suggest the Purdey sir?

Date: 2003-06-13 11:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jfs.livejournal.com
I have found in similar situations that the weapon of choice that Sir might wish to consider is the Volvo.

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