A bit bloody keen

Thursday, November 6th, 2025 07:27 am
smokingboot: (snail)
[personal profile] smokingboot
Peculiar thing; our local surgery phoned me regarding a covid booster+flu shot.
I haven't made an appointment for either. An appointment was meant to be made for my second shingles jab. It's today.

'Oh yes,' chirped the lady on the phone, 'we can do that too.'

The shingles jab is something we discussed, a jab I actually want to get. Treating it like some adjunct to some main programme of 'NHS winter vaccines' is a bit baffling. I would rather appointments were not made for me without discussion and agreement. What is going on? I never had a flu jab in my life, so why would I have one now? Yes, I know that Spanish Flu killed millions, are we expecting something of its ilk? Is all this palaver because another pandemic is coming? Because I am ageing? Am I immunocompromised by radiotherapy? Someone give me information beyond when to turn up! These people make me feel frail, old, incapable of making decisions about my own health, and I am none of those things. I really do not like this expectation that thinking on my part is unnecessary, that I just need to blank my mind, stick my arm out, and someone who knows better will jab magical good juice into my bod.

And I know that this suspicion might echo elements of Mum's problem, also that my own phobic responses may be influencing how I feel.

What I will do is have that shingles jab today. In a couple of weeks I'll be catching up with my Best Lady, a scientist specialising in flu vaccines who got corralled into Covid research when the pandemic first hit. I'll ask her for wise info and advice and take it from there.

Doubtless it's all well meant, just a bit bloody keen if you ask me.

Granada for me

Wednesday, November 5th, 2025 09:59 am
smokingboot: (Voyages)
[personal profile] smokingboot
Coming to Granada always holds a lot of emotional labour for me. But when I am not running around re Mum, when I take a breath, there's always extra beauty. This time included Hammam baths and seriously excellent flamenco, the Casa Ana Tablao, best I have seen in decades. Also the MIL had booked a food tour, which was great in itself but took us to the restaurant/cafe known as Chikito. I always avoided this place because it has a stupid name in a stupid font and always looks a bit touristy to me. We walked in, and, sat in the corner next to our table was this guy:



This is a statue of Federico Garcia Lorca. Long ago when the place had a different name, he used to sit right there, with the artistic greats of his time, including such notables as Manuel De Falla, Rudyard Kipling, H.G Wells, Arthur Rubinstein, Wanda Landowska. As no-one knows where Federico's body is, this seeemed as good a place as any to pay my respects to him so when the tour was over and no-one was nearby, I read him The Sacromonte Valentine. Tbh, I'm not sure he was impressed but having people write rubbish about you is the price you pay for celebrity.

Granada and In-Laws

Wednesday, November 5th, 2025 07:21 am
smokingboot: (Voyages)
[personal profile] smokingboot
They were doing their bespoke tour of Spain; Bilbao, Zaragoza, Madrid, Toledo, Cordova, Granada, Malaga, home, and we were to catch up with them in Granada, where they had expressed a wish to maybe meet Mum. It was old style courtesy and exactly the right thing to do, but I dreaded it, because neither they nor Mum necessarily filter. Mum is less likely to offend than they are because she is less easily understood. None of them mean harm, they are just all very used to having their own way. Mum has a certain imperial vibe even before it's augmented by old-lady power, they have opinions unchallenged by their surroundings at home. I feared disaster.

Granada held more than one challenge for them. First of all, they were at the tail end of their tour and a little tired. More than that, they have been Conservative party members religiously reading the Telegraph for over 25 years; the favoured narrative being screamed at them is that nothing good can come out of North Africa or Islam; but the Alhambra remains a magnificent disabusal of that notion, and perhaps the revelation did not sit easy.



Twice they tried to engage with Spanish friends on the difficulties of immigration with questions like 'Do you still have many North Africans here? Do they have a lot of control in the city?' To which Granadine companions looked a bit confused, because no, there is no such issue here. The city has more of a problem with student graffiti, hardly reaffirming the endless UK headline that SHARIA LAW!!! is on its way implemented by IMMIGRANTS!!! who are all MEN OF FIGHTING AGE!!!!!

Having said that their manners were impeccable with Mother and the rest of the family. I was so proud of them for that, and likewise proud of Mum and our family; it was warm, welcoming and amicable, a heartfelt joy. Mum relaxed so much she was stuffing her face with fried anchovies and sausages, cakes and beer. She was happy, so I was happy.

And now I am back, and still happy.

Carcosa Lost and Found

Tuesday, October 28th, 2025 08:53 am
smokingboot: Bull (Bull)
[personal profile] smokingboot
Shocked by a dream fragment in which I was swept away down a rocky river, like Weena in the Time Machine. I woke to the sound of my own voice screaming for help, only I wasn't really. In real life, it was an intake of breath and there I was, sitting up.

Carcosa remains an interest of mine. Ambrose Bierce began its story (https://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/InhaCarc.shtml ) I knew it as the mysterious double-sunned city of the Yellow King, an unknowable bringer of malevolence and madness. There's more but once one starts on the Cthulhu Mythos one is almost certain to face the ultimate maddening horror; the purple prose of HP Lovecraft. I mention it now because a poem turned up this morning, possibly triggered by the nightmare. But first the classic depiction of the Carcosan vibe:


Cassilda's Song
Robert W. Chambers (1895)


Along the shore the cloud waves break,
The twin suns sink behind the lake,
The shadows lengthen
In Carcosa.

Strange is the night where black stars rise,
And strange moons circle through the skies
But stranger still is
Lost Carcosa.

Songs that the Hyades shall sing,
Where flap the tatters of the King,
Must die unheard in
Dim Carcosa.

Song of my soul, my voice is dead;
Die thou, unsung, as tears unshed
Shall dry and die in
Lost Carcosa.

Carcosa should never be fully explained. Still, here is my reply:

i could not help them then
those tired wretches dreaming of Carcosa
whose questions were all about
gold on the pavements,
and a world, however mad,
still better, still abundant

i could not say
beware this place
beware its tattered king
beware even of me
in all my kindness
all my talking kindness

of here
always of here
this my vein my home but
even a daughter stumbles
between shadows
born from double suns

above all beware promises
not for feared falsehood
But because here each
promise will be kept
to the last letter
the last broken letter

Beware the dreamer's song
of Lost Carcosa
The truth is
you will always find it
Wherever you thought
your steps were headed.

And because I like to remember them, here are my favourite inhabitants of Carcosa.

Candy or Curry

Tuesday, October 28th, 2025 06:49 am
smokingboot: (snail)
[personal profile] smokingboot
A friend has put up a photo of him cuddling his little black kitten, with a blissful expression on its face that reminded me of our boy. It has been nearly 3 months, I should change my photos on FB to help me move on. Just not yet. Gad, I just do not get over stuff. I'm not over the death of Surya and that was in 2021. Talk about maudlin! I need imagery around to cheer me and get me working, because this should be a busy winter.

Meanwhile shrooms continue to proliferate in the garden. My plant apps vaguely identify one large patch as candy caps or curry caps and for sure they do that whole latex milky thing when squeezed but the identifying smell is just pleasant, neither candy nor curry. Apparently it becomes more distinct when it dries, or you can burn a bit of it to find out. So I picked some out of the garden but right now it is too wet to set alight. I know exactly how it feels.

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