Office foliage

[caddyman]

The world’s most miserable tree has appeared in our office by the window. It’s a tree because it is indoors, outside it would be a sapling.

Now a healthy tree has a canopy that literally blocks out the sun. Even a young tree has a healthy covering of leaves if not as impressive a set as a mature specimen. This sad little thing has a single leaf for every foot of branch, and most of them are yellowy green rather than a good, rich green.

A little later when no one’s looking, I am going to give it a cup of coffee. That’ll perk it up.

Comments

[ellefurtle.livejournal.com]

I shall refrain from offering advice. My nickname "Death of Plants' was deservedly given. Whether I ignore them entirely, casually feed them coffee/cider/whatever is lying about or lavish them (in my way) with love and attention, they die.

I am good at weeding...I just turn up and try to nurture things

Under cover of darkness...

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Run away with it, leaving a fiver in the pot, and plant the poor thing in the nearest sorry patch of greenery.

Obviously you may have to wear a disguise...

[westernind.livejournal.com]

Weeping fig? They hate being moved. And they hate draughts. And when they're unhappy, the first thing they do is drop their leaves.

Poor little thing.

[ellefurtle.livejournal.com]

Ooo you know plant names *bows down*

To be honest the word weeping kind of implies it isn't happy a lot of the time, no?

[romney.livejournal.com]

Give the tree a hug.

If that does not work, try offering it a sacrifice. Suitable offerings do NOT include:

Unwanted liquids, however sourced;
Fag-ends;
Grape pips, orange peel etc. even if you claim it is compost or mulch;
Compost or mulch;
Paper-clips;
Toffee papers.

You might try spilling the blood of an office junior on its roots. If the tree improves, work you way up the management chain until the thing is sturdy enough to hang the Minister from its branches.

[sea-strands.livejournal.com]

Is it definately alive? I once spent a few weeks talking to plants at work to perk them up only to catch my jumper on a leaf and pull it out to find it was sodding plastic.

[queenortart.livejournal.com]

I assume caffeinated?