It came from above...

No one would have believed, in the first years of the twenty-first century, that human affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of space. No one could have dreamed that we were being scrutinized as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Few men even considered the possibility of life on other planets. And yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely, they drew their plans against us.

Meteor falls to earth in Peru and locals start getting sick...

It came from above...

No one would have believed, in the first years of the twenty-first century, that human affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of space. No one could have dreamed that we were being scrutinized as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Few men even considered the possibility of life on other planets. And yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely, they drew their plans against us.

Meteor falls to earth in Peru and locals start getting sick...

Avast behind!

My shiny new bank card turned up and I am reconnected to my money – or at least that portion of the bank’s money they are willing to let me play with when my own runs out! This meant that I was able to wander across to Waitrose and brandish it at the cashier yesterday with all due ceremony. I can’t tell you what a relief it is for me to reconnect with the international credit crisis like this; I was beginning to quite feel left out.

Access to my account is similar in an entirely unobvious way, to a pirate digging up his buried treasure chest and showering ducats around on the sand. This rather contrived segue is my way of reminding you that today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day

Aharr…

Avast behind!

My shiny new bank card turned up and I am reconnected to my money – or at least that portion of the bank’s money they are willing to let me play with when my own runs out! This meant that I was able to wander across to Waitrose and brandish it at the cashier yesterday with all due ceremony. I can’t tell you what a relief it is for me to reconnect with the international credit crisis like this; I was beginning to quite feel left out.

Access to my account is similar in an entirely unobvious way, to a pirate digging up his buried treasure chest and showering ducats around on the sand. This rather contrived segue is my way of reminding you that today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day

Aharr…

Today Matthew, I shall be a statue.

Another day in the office and once again I am glad that I am bald, because I should otherwise be pulling my hair out myself¹. Our Local management Accounts Team seems to have made it their lives’ work to drive me to an early grave. They are immune, by way of innate stupidity, to the frightful sarcasm to which I subject them each time their idiocy impinges upon my life, but just stubborn enough to come back for more, seemingly unaffected. Ignorance is, indeed, bliss.

I no longer receive the same satisfaction I once did from being gratuitously impolite to them. It feels like using expensive and highly developed technology to fend off handmade flint arrows. Anyone whoever played Civilization on the PC all those years ago and watched in dismay as a bronze age phalanx from an isolated and backward civilisation bring down their strato-bomber will know how I feel.

We are being asked to state when our payments, due last Monday, will be made and explain why they were not made on time. Furthermore, we are supposed to have to do this cap in hand and with proper contrition as Treasury will fine the Department for getting its cash flow forecasts wrong.

The fact that we have evidence provided by the payments system that the only transactions that did not take place on time were those where invoices were issued to debtors and they have not acted upon them seems to be of little relevance. We still are expected to explain the non-existent lack of payment activity. My latest missive is being digested by the accounting drones. It is my guess that they will deal with it by resending the original email requesting an immediate explanation. I really shouldn’t let this wind me up, but I’m afraid it does.

I have decided that my brain power is being compromised somewhere down the line. I aim to tackle this by eating fish tonight, while Furtle is away on her course and trying to get further “bingos” ² in Scrabulous on Facebook. Of course this is largely out of my control; I can only work with the letters the game gives me, but it’s fun to try.³

More later, possibly, as my blood pressure rises.


¹As it is, the Strontium Pastilles^TM I used to suck as a kid, and which are responsible for my healthy green glow, took care of the hair problem quite painlessly over ten years ago!

²Using all the letters in your scrabble tray.

³colonel_maxim may dispute this, having been on the receiving end of two of them in consecutive turns, one on a triple word score. Heheh.

Today Matthew, I shall be a statue.

Another day in the office and once again I am glad that I am bald, because I should otherwise be pulling my hair out myself¹. Our Local management Accounts Team seems to have made it their lives’ work to drive me to an early grave. They are immune, by way of innate stupidity, to the frightful sarcasm to which I subject them each time their idiocy impinges upon my life, but just stubborn enough to come back for more, seemingly unaffected. Ignorance is, indeed, bliss.

I no longer receive the same satisfaction I once did from being gratuitously impolite to them. It feels like using expensive and highly developed technology to fend off handmade flint arrows. Anyone whoever played Civilization on the PC all those years ago and watched in dismay as a bronze age phalanx from an isolated and backward civilisation bring down their strato-bomber will know how I feel.

We are being asked to state when our payments, due last Monday, will be made and explain why they were not made on time. Furthermore, we are supposed to have to do this cap in hand and with proper contrition as Treasury will fine the Department for getting its cash flow forecasts wrong.

The fact that we have evidence provided by the payments system that the only transactions that did not take place on time were those where invoices were issued to debtors and they have not acted upon them seems to be of little relevance. We still are expected to explain the non-existent lack of payment activity. My latest missive is being digested by the accounting drones. It is my guess that they will deal with it by resending the original email requesting an immediate explanation. I really shouldn’t let this wind me up, but I’m afraid it does.

I have decided that my brain power is being compromised somewhere down the line. I aim to tackle this by eating fish tonight, while Furtle is away on her course and trying to get further “bingos” ² in Scrabulous on Facebook. Of course this is largely out of my control; I can only work with the letters the game gives me, but it’s fun to try.³

More later, possibly, as my blood pressure rises.


¹As it is, the Strontium Pastilles^TM I used to suck as a kid, and which are responsible for my healthy green glow, took care of the hair problem quite painlessly over ten years ago!

²Using all the letters in your scrabble tray.

³colonel_maxim may dispute this, having been on the receiving end of two of them in consecutive turns, one on a triple word score. Heheh.