caddyman: (Default)
caddyman ([personal profile] caddyman) wrote2006-02-13 10:30 am
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Office foliage

The world’s most miserable tree has appeared in our office by the window. It’s a tree because it is indoors, outside it would be a sapling.

Now a healthy tree has a canopy that literally blocks out the sun. Even a young tree has a healthy covering of leaves if not as impressive a set as a mature specimen. This sad little thing has a single leaf for every foot of branch, and most of them are yellowy green rather than a good, rich green.

A little later when no one’s looking, I am going to give it a cup of coffee. That’ll perk it up.

[identity profile] romney.livejournal.com 2006-02-13 01:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Give the tree a hug.

If that does not work, try offering it a sacrifice. Suitable offerings do NOT include:

Unwanted liquids, however sourced;
Fag-ends;
Grape pips, orange peel etc. even if you claim it is compost or mulch;
Compost or mulch;
Paper-clips;
Toffee papers.

You might try spilling the blood of an office junior on its roots. If the tree improves, work you way up the management chain until the thing is sturdy enough to hang the Minister from its branches.

[identity profile] caddyman.livejournal.com 2006-02-13 01:52 pm (UTC)(link)
A hug would break it; you can get your entire hand around the 'trunk'. My 8 year-old niece could get her hand around the trunk.

How well do "romneys" mulch?

[identity profile] ellefurtle.livejournal.com 2006-02-13 02:11 pm (UTC)(link)
mulch is bad?

*even more confused about plants*

cider is ok though, yes?

[identity profile] romney.livejournal.com 2006-02-13 06:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Mulch is indeed good, perhaps even necessary. The point is that this then means it is absolutly no good as a sacrifice.

If X sacrifices to Y something that Y actually needs, it implies that X has some sort of hold over Y. So what Y should demand is something that is not needed, but which is precious to X or causes X some special effort to obtain.

So, in this case, mulch is not a worthy sacrifice. However, yes, cider is a possibility, particulary if Caddy is required to snatch the stuff from under the nose of DT ("special effort" = "having your fingers broke off, minced, mixed with broken glass and fed back to you")

So he wants his twig to grow up into a Whomping Willow, he shold make with the libations/plastc surgery rather than with the Sage's dog.

[identity profile] caddyman.livejournal.com 2006-02-13 07:51 pm (UTC)(link)
I am as careless of the fate of the plant as I am of cider. You've been hitting the paracetamol again, haven't you?