Just another day

Ah, leaving the office late.

What joy. And compounded too, by the discovery that there's trouble on the Victoria Line. Again.

Now, trouble on t'Tube is something Londoners take for granted. There's generally a problem at some place at some time each and every day. But you suspect the worst when you wander down to the ticket office at 19.05 and discover the sort of crowd associated with rush hour being held behind the barriers.

Still, for once, my timing was superb. Whatever then problem was cleared itself about a minute after my arrival. Now of course, this still meant negotaiating my way through the slow moving sea of people, but I managed, with some felicity, if I may use the word, to get to the barriers quite quickly.

And that's when the second piece of shite hit the fan.

The bloke in front of me, moving with the customary slow motion of the brane dead put his ticket in the machine and tried to walk through. Of course his ticket was rejected at the precise moment I put my ticket in the machine. So instead of doing the obvious thing of either stepping aside or moving through quickly to allow the both of us through, he stopped and assumed an expression of such mindless beatitude I would have walloped him had circumstances permitted.

Anyway, by the time his mind had kicked back into gear, I was stranded on the wrong side of the barrier with a crowd behind me and a cancelled ticket.

Now, I'm not much good at the rude word - animal game invented by sexbat but there and then, with no prompting, I knew precisely what a snotmollusc is. I was looking at one on the other side of the barrier.

Anyway, I extricated myself from the crowd, found a sympathetic LU employee and made my way down to the platform.

The story should end there, but on the down escalator, I noticed the snotmollusc going back up to the ticket hall on the other escalator.

What a Palmpilot*.

I was not a happy chappie. But I've recovered to see the funny side.

*See LJ passim for reference.

Just another day

Ah, leaving the office late.

What joy. And compounded too, by the discovery that there's trouble on the Victoria Line. Again.

Now, trouble on t'Tube is something Londoners take for granted. There's generally a problem at some place at some time each and every day. But you suspect the worst when you wander down to the ticket office at 19.05 and discover the sort of crowd associated with rush hour being held behind the barriers.

Still, for once, my timing was superb. Whatever then problem was cleared itself about a minute after my arrival. Now of course, this still meant negotaiating my way through the slow moving sea of people, but I managed, with some felicity, if I may use the word, to get to the barriers quite quickly.

And that's when the second piece of shite hit the fan.

The bloke in front of me, moving with the customary slow motion of the brane dead put his ticket in the machine and tried to walk through. Of course his ticket was rejected at the precise moment I put my ticket in the machine. So instead of doing the obvious thing of either stepping aside or moving through quickly to allow the both of us through, he stopped and assumed an expression of such mindless beatitude I would have walloped him had circumstances permitted.

Anyway, by the time his mind had kicked back into gear, I was stranded on the wrong side of the barrier with a crowd behind me and a cancelled ticket.

Now, I'm not much good at the rude word - animal game invented by sexbat but there and then, with no prompting, I knew precisely what a snotmollusc is. I was looking at one on the other side of the barrier.

Anyway, I extricated myself from the crowd, found a sympathetic LU employee and made my way down to the platform.

The story should end there, but on the down escalator, I noticed the snotmollusc going back up to the ticket hall on the other escalator.

What a Palmpilot*.

I was not a happy chappie. But I've recovered to see the funny side.

*See LJ passim for reference.

Getting all learned

I wish I'd written this, but alas I did not. I found it in The Times a couple of years back and saved it to disk.

I'd forgotten all about it until I dug it up a few moments ago. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did (and do).

( Why I'll always have a soft spot for the lovely Lady Mondegreen )

Getting all learned

I wish I'd written this, but alas I did not. I found it in The Times a couple of years back and saved it to disk.

I'd forgotten all about it until I dug it up a few moments ago. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did (and do).

( Why I'll always have a soft spot for the lovely Lady Mondegreen )