Snippets of useless observation

Tarps phoned me today.

Tarps is a bluff Yorkshireman who is currently in a state of shock at the fact that Sally has just presented him with a 12lb baby boy. He's in shock. Imagine Sal.

Anyway, he has taken a couple of days off work and in an atypical bout of modern-mannism, is spending as many of the daylight hours as he is allowed at the hospital maternity ward. Of course, between 3pm and 5pm it is mother and baby time, so he is unceremoniously turfed out and left to his own devices.

So he phoned me at work.

"I'm watching Countdown. You'll never guess what," quoth he.
"Stuart S****** is on, and winning hands down" replieth I.

You see, Stuart is a mutual acquaintance and a quizzer. He is gifted with one of the most capacious and retentive memories I have ever know in a man, and he has perhaps not lightning-fast recall, but certainly very fast.

Imbued as he is with this gift, nature has compensated as is her wont, by being less generous with other personality traits.

Such as personality.

Poor old Stuart wouldn't harm a fly. He is quite a friendly chap in a 'don't sit near me, please' sort of way. His interests are vast and wide-ranging. Unfortunately, he cannot put any of it to practical use. Indeed, to strike up a conversation with him is to provide him with an excuse to latch on to any single part of the sentence and recite endless facts about it.

It's a shame, really.

Apparently Richard Whiteley (the show presenter, for non-UK readers) was taking every opportunity to tell viewers that Stuart is available for employment. For those of us who know Stuart, this is not a surprise. I find myself thinking that Richard Whiteley was hoping to God that someone would call in with a job offer which would prevent Stuart from returning as reigning champion until the end of creation.

For the record, Stuart amassed a record Countdown score and will be back later in the season.

Snippets of useless observation

Tarps phoned me today.

Tarps is a bluff Yorkshireman who is currently in a state of shock at the fact that Sally has just presented him with a 12lb baby boy. He's in shock. Imagine Sal.

Anyway, he has taken a couple of days off work and in an atypical bout of modern-mannism, is spending as many of the daylight hours as he is allowed at the hospital maternity ward. Of course, between 3pm and 5pm it is mother and baby time, so he is unceremoniously turfed out and left to his own devices.

So he phoned me at work.

"I'm watching Countdown. You'll never guess what," quoth he.
"Stuart S****** is on, and winning hands down" replieth I.

You see, Stuart is a mutual acquaintance and a quizzer. He is gifted with one of the most capacious and retentive memories I have ever know in a man, and he has perhaps not lightning-fast recall, but certainly very fast.

Imbued as he is with this gift, nature has compensated as is her wont, by being less generous with other personality traits.

Such as personality.

Poor old Stuart wouldn't harm a fly. He is quite a friendly chap in a 'don't sit near me, please' sort of way. His interests are vast and wide-ranging. Unfortunately, he cannot put any of it to practical use. Indeed, to strike up a conversation with him is to provide him with an excuse to latch on to any single part of the sentence and recite endless facts about it.

It's a shame, really.

Apparently Richard Whiteley (the show presenter, for non-UK readers) was taking every opportunity to tell viewers that Stuart is available for employment. For those of us who know Stuart, this is not a surprise. I find myself thinking that Richard Whiteley was hoping to God that someone would call in with a job offer which would prevent Stuart from returning as reigning champion until the end of creation.

For the record, Stuart amassed a record Countdown score and will be back later in the season.