Second year running...

Well, last year was the first time in thirty I'd sat and watched the Eurovision Song Contest. I seem to be going for two in a row, like a kid who's found a dead sheep and can't stop prodding it...

The French, for some inexplicable reason has a bald woman on stilts wobbling around in the background while the tattooed Ronan-alike sang.

Currently the Serbian-Montenegrins (catchy state) are doing something with pan pipes.

This is cheaper than drugs, and only marginally less disorientating. Wogan (blessed be his name) has yet to hit full sarcasm mode.

More updates later provided I don't doze off or die or something....

Second year running...

Well, last year was the first time in thirty I'd sat and watched the Eurovision Song Contest. I seem to be going for two in a row, like a kid who's found a dead sheep and can't stop prodding it...

The French, for some inexplicable reason has a bald woman on stilts wobbling around in the background while the tattooed Ronan-alike sang.

Currently the Serbian-Montenegrins (catchy state) are doing something with pan pipes.

This is cheaper than drugs, and only marginally less disorientating. Wogan (blessed be his name) has yet to hit full sarcasm mode.

More updates later provided I don't doze off or die or something....

Deeply worried about the state of my social life.

Eurovision, later:

By now the Albanians treated us to what I can only describe as a dumpy broad with fat ankles who looked a bit like Posh Spice with no vertical hold. I think I saw her in Captain Scarlet once. The Ukrainians, on the other hand seem to have opted for Xena doing the rave scene from Matrix Revolutions; very energetic and a bit Götterdammerung.

Ah, the Balkans know a thing or two about camp, don't they? Now it's the Bosnia-Herzegovinan entry. A gay Billy Idol surrounded by what I assume happens if you genetically splice Cher and the Cheeky Girls. Ah, the crowd liked that. Says it all, really.

Ah, the Belgians next. Probably singing about pig farming.

After a long gap because frankly I couldn't be arsed, I return to comment that the Roumanian entry is being sung by some bint with '80s hair and wearing what looks suspiciously like a leather and lace negligée.

I bet that gets sweaty.

I expect that Xena, the Ukrainian Princess will win. Or not; who cares. I give up.

Ooh, having said that, the Swedish girl has nice legs. Could it be Abba all over again?

Oh dear.

The Turkish presenter has something of the night about him - very Bela Lugosi....

Deeply worried about the state of my social life.

Eurovision, later:

By now the Albanians treated us to what I can only describe as a dumpy broad with fat ankles who looked a bit like Posh Spice with no vertical hold. I think I saw her in Captain Scarlet once. The Ukrainians, on the other hand seem to have opted for Xena doing the rave scene from Matrix Revolutions; very energetic and a bit Götterdammerung.

Ah, the Balkans know a thing or two about camp, don't they? Now it's the Bosnia-Herzegovinan entry. A gay Billy Idol surrounded by what I assume happens if you genetically splice Cher and the Cheeky Girls. Ah, the crowd liked that. Says it all, really.

Ah, the Belgians next. Probably singing about pig farming.

After a long gap because frankly I couldn't be arsed, I return to comment that the Roumanian entry is being sung by some bint with '80s hair and wearing what looks suspiciously like a leather and lace negligée.

I bet that gets sweaty.

I expect that Xena, the Ukrainian Princess will win. Or not; who cares. I give up.

Ooh, having said that, the Swedish girl has nice legs. Could it be Abba all over again?

Oh dear.

The Turkish presenter has something of the night about him - very Bela Lugosi....