Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

Commutage

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 12:29 pm
caddyman: (commute)
I made a couple of tactical mistakes coming in to work today and they just snowballed on me.

I anticipated being a couple of minutes late as I had to pick up a subscription from Boots and they don’t open until 9am.

So far, so good.

Getting down to the Tube Station, I fell into the old trap – which I should be well aware of – of letting a train go because the next one in a couple of minutes would be more convenient. Except that it was neither a couple of minutes later, nor more convenient. The Northern Line at its far extent on the High Barnet Branch likes to play tricks on passengers - or customers as we must now call them, because we should avoid any suggestion of movement in a mass-transit system. When the indicator suggests a 2 minute wait for a train to Kennington via Charing Cross, there is a reasonable probability that it will both take significantly longer than 2 minutes to arrive, and end up bimbling to Morden via Bank (assuming that it doesn’t peremptorily stop at East Finchley and decant us onto the platform to await a later, more crowded train).

Just to keep us guessing, the indicator will probably change its mind at least three times and we’ll be none the wiser when the train actually arrives because the driver will have forgotten to change the destination sign on the front of the train, so it will proudly display “High Barnet” whilst travelling south away from it.

The upshot is (and I fall for this nearly every time, experience teaching me nothing), that the indicators are useless and I should just get on the first bloody train and change as necessary.

It didn’t. Two minutes became ten and the destination flickered between Morden and Kennington with gay abandon.

My error was compounded (number two tactical error) by being at the wrong end of the train for an easy interchange – though in my defence, when you are not sure where the train is off to, getting in the most advantageous place to change is mere guesswork.

Tactical error number three was in assuming that the announced delays on the Victoria line would be over by the time I got to Euston as I was so late. The crowded platform was evidence to the contrary.

Hohum.

Finally, to compound it all and shred whatever nerves I had remaining, the queue in Sainsbury’s was held up by a woman disinterestedly talking on the mobile instead of packing her shopping or paying the cashier who was getting increasingly irate. The aisle was blocked by her pushchair and it took the less than benevolent glare of a security guard to prompt her to move.

How rude.

The moral of the story is that God hates commuters.

Commutage

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 12:29 pm
caddyman: (commute)
I made a couple of tactical mistakes coming in to work today and they just snowballed on me.

I anticipated being a couple of minutes late as I had to pick up a subscription from Boots and they don’t open until 9am.

So far, so good.

Getting down to the Tube Station, I fell into the old trap – which I should be well aware of – of letting a train go because the next one in a couple of minutes would be more convenient. Except that it was neither a couple of minutes later, nor more convenient. The Northern Line at its far extent on the High Barnet Branch likes to play tricks on passengers - or customers as we must now call them, because we should avoid any suggestion of movement in a mass-transit system. When the indicator suggests a 2 minute wait for a train to Kennington via Charing Cross, there is a reasonable probability that it will both take significantly longer than 2 minutes to arrive, and end up bimbling to Morden via Bank (assuming that it doesn’t peremptorily stop at East Finchley and decant us onto the platform to await a later, more crowded train).

Just to keep us guessing, the indicator will probably change its mind at least three times and we’ll be none the wiser when the train actually arrives because the driver will have forgotten to change the destination sign on the front of the train, so it will proudly display “High Barnet” whilst travelling south away from it.

The upshot is (and I fall for this nearly every time, experience teaching me nothing), that the indicators are useless and I should just get on the first bloody train and change as necessary.

It didn’t. Two minutes became ten and the destination flickered between Morden and Kennington with gay abandon.

My error was compounded (number two tactical error) by being at the wrong end of the train for an easy interchange – though in my defence, when you are not sure where the train is off to, getting in the most advantageous place to change is mere guesswork.

Tactical error number three was in assuming that the announced delays on the Victoria line would be over by the time I got to Euston as I was so late. The crowded platform was evidence to the contrary.

Hohum.

Finally, to compound it all and shred whatever nerves I had remaining, the queue in Sainsbury’s was held up by a woman disinterestedly talking on the mobile instead of packing her shopping or paying the cashier who was getting increasingly irate. The aisle was blocked by her pushchair and it took the less than benevolent glare of a security guard to prompt her to move.

How rude.

The moral of the story is that God hates commuters.

Oops

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 02:46 pm
caddyman: (Indestructible)
Having not managed to speak to Mum yesterday as she was driving back to Wem on a long detour around a fire in the Sundorne area of Shrewsbury, I spoke to her today.

In good spirits she recounted how she, Hayley and the baby had gone to Dad’s grave to change the flowers for his birthday. “The daisies we took up last week when you were here are holding up well” she said, “I trimmed them a little to tidy them up and put some fresh flowers in with them.”

“Well, they would hold up nicely” I responded. “They are plastic”. The whole point was to use the realistic-looking plastic ones as a frame to support the fresh flowers, you see.

Judging by the muffled snarks and titters from the other end of the phone, I think I left a very amused 80 year old trying desperately not to wee herself with laughter.

Hayley didn’t notice either, and she’s 60 years younger. I bet the baby did (she’s quite bright for an 8 month old), but declined to say.

They are very good plastic daisies.

Oops

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 02:46 pm
caddyman: (Indestructible)
Having not managed to speak to Mum yesterday as she was driving back to Wem on a long detour around a fire in the Sundorne area of Shrewsbury, I spoke to her today.

In good spirits she recounted how she, Hayley and the baby had gone to Dad’s grave to change the flowers for his birthday. “The daisies we took up last week when you were here are holding up well” she said, “I trimmed them a little to tidy them up and put some fresh flowers in with them.”

“Well, they would hold up nicely” I responded. “They are plastic”. The whole point was to use the realistic-looking plastic ones as a frame to support the fresh flowers, you see.

Judging by the muffled snarks and titters from the other end of the phone, I think I left a very amused 80 year old trying desperately not to wee herself with laughter.

Hayley didn’t notice either, and she’s 60 years younger. I bet the baby did (she’s quite bright for an 8 month old), but declined to say.

They are very good plastic daisies.
caddyman: (Default)
A couple of links for [livejournal.com profile] telemeister on the off chance his Compleet Molesworth hasn’t arrived yet.

http://www.stcustards.free-online.co.uk/

http://www.alice.dryden.co.uk/ho_for_hoggwarts.htm

I’ve posted the second link before, but it was easier to find it again than the original post from many moons ago. As I recall, the author of Ho For Hoggwarts! is the daughter of the late lamented [livejournal.com profile] cybersofa
caddyman: (Default)
A couple of links for [livejournal.com profile] telemeister on the off chance his Compleet Molesworth hasn’t arrived yet.

http://www.stcustards.free-online.co.uk/

http://www.alice.dryden.co.uk/ho_for_hoggwarts.htm

I’ve posted the second link before, but it was easier to find it again than the original post from many moons ago. As I recall, the author of Ho For Hoggwarts! is the daughter of the late lamented [livejournal.com profile] cybersofa

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