Reorganise!

Ah, this is the good stuff: the minutiae of office reorganisation.

Since the Government has plunged us all into debt unto the seventh generation, it has decided that it ought to save a bob or two here and there. Actually, it decided to do so before borrowing billions here and there to pay bankers’ bonuses for them. When you are in the market for billions in loans, it’s important to save the odd couple of million here and there. I’m not saying that they are wrong, you understand, but it’s a little like asking your bank manager for a £250,000 mortgage and producing your old piggy bank full of coppers to prove that you are saving money.

Anyway.

The Department is currently spread across two buildings in central London and management have decided that we should all be crammed sardine-like into one building, the one I’m in. To achieve this, we are all to be shuffled around and the amount of file storage reduced, new desks added and so on. There are 2,000 of us in the building at the moment and they want 3,000. Several of the floors have made a case to be left as they are and Ministers don’t like being reminded that there is anyone in the building except for them and their immediate staff, so their football pitch size accommodations, easy chairs, TVs and drinks cabinets are unaffected by the changes. So we will be absorbing an additional 1,000 people on three floors of the building.

We will have 7 desks for every 10 people. This ratio was arrived at by counting empty desks over a period of four weeks last summer. In August, the height of the holiday season. What planning.

Hidden away amongst all the new Führer Directives is the intelligence that the Department is intending to meet its Green Agenda target of reducing waste by removing all bins. If there are no bins, there will be no rubbish and with no rubbish, no waste. Q.E.D. Marvellous.

We will be having instead, recycling hubs. No-one is quite sure what these will look like or in fact be, but I am hopeful that they will be big steel and chrome machines that belch smoke and oil fumes as they compact old pieces of paper and sandwich wrappers.

Reorganise!

Ah, this is the good stuff: the minutiae of office reorganisation.

Since the Government has plunged us all into debt unto the seventh generation, it has decided that it ought to save a bob or two here and there. Actually, it decided to do so before borrowing billions here and there to pay bankers’ bonuses for them. When you are in the market for billions in loans, it’s important to save the odd couple of million here and there. I’m not saying that they are wrong, you understand, but it’s a little like asking your bank manager for a £250,000 mortgage and producing your old piggy bank full of coppers to prove that you are saving money.

Anyway.

The Department is currently spread across two buildings in central London and management have decided that we should all be crammed sardine-like into one building, the one I’m in. To achieve this, we are all to be shuffled around and the amount of file storage reduced, new desks added and so on. There are 2,000 of us in the building at the moment and they want 3,000. Several of the floors have made a case to be left as they are and Ministers don’t like being reminded that there is anyone in the building except for them and their immediate staff, so their football pitch size accommodations, easy chairs, TVs and drinks cabinets are unaffected by the changes. So we will be absorbing an additional 1,000 people on three floors of the building.

We will have 7 desks for every 10 people. This ratio was arrived at by counting empty desks over a period of four weeks last summer. In August, the height of the holiday season. What planning.

Hidden away amongst all the new Führer Directives is the intelligence that the Department is intending to meet its Green Agenda target of reducing waste by removing all bins. If there are no bins, there will be no rubbish and with no rubbish, no waste. Q.E.D. Marvellous.

We will be having instead, recycling hubs. No-one is quite sure what these will look like or in fact be, but I am hopeful that they will be big steel and chrome machines that belch smoke and oil fumes as they compact old pieces of paper and sandwich wrappers.