Plain Wrong

We are in that gap between New Year and Easter when tourism in London falls off a little and is generally replaced by school trips, so the tube network is crammed with prepubescent oiks of all stripes. Harassed school teachers, outnumbered fifteen or twenty to one try to keep their charges from shorting out the tracks or getting stuck in fold down seats. Beyond that all they can really do is count down the days to retirement as the rabble plays out a version of Lord of the Flies with juice packs and satchels.

I somehow managed to be on the only clear tube carriage between two containing groups from different schools. During my journey at least they didn’t notice each other, but the feeling of being exposed in no-man’s land wouldn’t quite go away.

The lack of tourists does mean that once again there is a dearth of wheelie bags around and therefore reality is again showing signs of fraying at the edges. It is an uphill task keeping the seely dimensions at bay. The upshot is that today I have seen what can only be described as a sartorial chimera. I have seen what happens when a parka mates with a duffel coat and it’s not pretty. The entire mix of materials is disturbing – a parka should not be made from woollen duffel. It is wrong. There should be no fur, faux or real on the hood of such a garment. Toggles and zips should not be on the same thing. It is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Wear a parka if you must and pretend to be a mod or a US serviceman. Wear a duffel coat if you wish and pretend to be a Peruvian bear or a North Sea trawlerman. But – and I can’t emphasise this enough – do not try to be all of these things. The gods of cool will kill you and even the gods of geek will look the other way as do.

Plain Wrong

We are in that gap between New Year and Easter when tourism in London falls off a little and is generally replaced by school trips, so the tube network is crammed with prepubescent oiks of all stripes. Harassed school teachers, outnumbered fifteen or twenty to one try to keep their charges from shorting out the tracks or getting stuck in fold down seats. Beyond that all they can really do is count down the days to retirement as the rabble plays out a version of Lord of the Flies with juice packs and satchels.

I somehow managed to be on the only clear tube carriage between two containing groups from different schools. During my journey at least they didn’t notice each other, but the feeling of being exposed in no-man’s land wouldn’t quite go away.

The lack of tourists does mean that once again there is a dearth of wheelie bags around and therefore reality is again showing signs of fraying at the edges. It is an uphill task keeping the seely dimensions at bay. The upshot is that today I have seen what can only be described as a sartorial chimera. I have seen what happens when a parka mates with a duffel coat and it’s not pretty. The entire mix of materials is disturbing – a parka should not be made from woollen duffel. It is wrong. There should be no fur, faux or real on the hood of such a garment. Toggles and zips should not be on the same thing. It is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Wear a parka if you must and pretend to be a mod or a US serviceman. Wear a duffel coat if you wish and pretend to be a Peruvian bear or a North Sea trawlerman. But – and I can’t emphasise this enough – do not try to be all of these things. The gods of cool will kill you and even the gods of geek will look the other way as do.

The Great Vegetable Plot

‘Appen ‘eck as like you’ll want to check t’ rhubarb in your cupboard ent illegal.

Just when you thought that the EU was a useless, undemocratic, tyrannical gravy train, it does something like this and you just don’t know what to think.

Yorkshire Forced Rhubarb is now on a par with Parma Ham and Champagne on the European Protected Name List!

Good grief.

The Great Vegetable Plot

‘Appen ‘eck as like you’ll want to check t’ rhubarb in your cupboard ent illegal.

Just when you thought that the EU was a useless, undemocratic, tyrannical gravy train, it does something like this and you just don’t know what to think.

Yorkshire Forced Rhubarb is now on a par with Parma Ham and Champagne on the European Protected Name List!

Good grief.