How to waste a day without trying.
Sunday, April 6th, 2003 12:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caddymanI am about to preach to the choir, so feel free to wander off and do something more interesting. I'm just getting this off my chest. Alternately, feel equally free to stay and experience the joys of electronic schadenfreude.
So. As my only reader, you will recall that since 1 April, I have been whining on and off about my PC which, having developed a personality all its own decided that personality should be based on a sullen 15 year old. Some times I would have 196 meg RAM, at others considerably less. Sometimes I would have drives labelled C, D, E, F and a DVD ROM, nomenclature G.
And then sometimes I would just have C and D. And then the problems with temporary internet files would begin because instead of dumping them on the unsullied 15gig goodness of the E Drive (gone walkabout), the PC would cram them on the spare 25 meg left on C.
So much then for the background travails underlying today's woes.
Today, my good friend, Glyn came round to DO THINGS to my computer, for he KNOWS THINGS about them and their bizarre, electronic ways. Things to which I, sadly, am not privy.
We had arranged to meet up sometime well before my PC became the surly brute of the past week. The intention was to take lunch at the local greasy spoon, to repair to my humble garret and then, armed with his BIG BLACK BAG, Glyn would perform the arcane practice known amongst practitioner circles as the UPGRADE.
An email sent during a break in the surly period warned him to expect an uncooperative patient.
How little we knew.
Commencing at midday,lunch went well. Much grease and caffeine was consumed, and replete, we completed the journey to chez moi.
Now at one-fifteen pm, Glyn advanced purposefully on the PC, opened his BIG BLACK BAG and, incanting the magical chant, "This should be pretty simple" began to perform an operation of electronic surgery with both guile and dexterity.
Myself, in awe of such thing merely bolied water, made tea and offered a selection of music to soothe the furrowed brow of the ENGINEER.
At three pm I took the music off and tuned to ITV 2 to watch the football scores pile up. Glyn toiled on.
At three-forty five, half time, I brewed more tea. Glyn toiled on.
At five pm, after final score (for by such name is the programme known), I brewed more tea. Glyn toiled on.
At six-thirty, there was a yelp of triumph. The patient was doing well, the surgeon pleased. We drank more tea.
"Shouldn't there be more icons along the task bar?" venture I with a little hoarded jargon. "And, large and visible though it is, I prefer a display other than 640 by 400 in 16 colours."
Glyn smiled at my presumption. "I have yet to reboot it" quoth he. For, apparently, settings are changed when disks are moved, formatted andf re-labelled. When large amounts of data are passed back and forth through bios on busses. But it should be quicker now, for "Lo! There is a newer, faster processor. A new motherboard, a new graphics card, and behold, no longer merely a DVD ROM, but a DVD ROM and a CD-R/RW. And the graphics card has 64meg of its own dedicated RAM - no longer shall it leach from system memory."
All hail the mighty ENGINEER, my friend. Glyn. For my PC was now both cured and improved.
I still know not what a 'VDS conflict' may be. But it is a problem most grave. As is the error known as 'invalid driver' (not as one would imagine, a little man in a tricycle car with orange stickers on the windscreen. No, it is something altogether more sinister).
So, further hours spent in toil, whilst I wait in anxious turmoil. And then, success! Joy! The icons are back, the resolution is as preferred, and all is well. I log on to check my email.
Spam only, but my mood is expansive. I do not care for this one time only.
And now it is time to be instructed in the mysteries of BURNING A CD. Ah, long have I waited for this knowledge, this capability. This power.
"So what does it mean, device not recognised?"
"Ah, a minor installation error - nothing to worry about."
Dauntless, Glyn re-advances on the PC. Eyes bright with a feverish determination.
Eight 'o'clock.
"Where has the DVD ROM gone? I see it on the machine, but the PC doesn't recognise it" an innocent query from one baffled by such things.
"It wishes to be Master, but so does the CD-R/RW. I have linked them both in serial through a cable. The cable might be loose."
My PC, it seems in is not PC at all. It works with slaves and masters, and currently there is a power struggle between the two.
Half-past Nine. "That VDS conflict we saw several hours ago. Is it anything to do with the DVD ROM and the CD-R/RW not being on speaking terms?"
"It does not!"
"Oh, well, maybe it's come back to watch and see who wins... and brought the 16 colour resolution back for company."
A fevered debate and much under-breath muttering ensues. The BIG BLACK BAG is raided for further, and more ominous tools. The tea is replaced by strong coffee. Even I, a layman in these matters recognise that the appearance of coffee is an ominous sign.
Eleven-fifteen pm.
A shout of triumph: "I have it!"
I start in amazement.
"Your DVD ROM Is knacked. You need a new one. I have unplugged it for now - we can get a replacement at a later date! The remainder of the mjachine works perfectly and, even sans DVD ROM, is better than it was this morning. It is faster, stronger, better. In short, it is more up-to-date!"
I am overjoyed.
"Let us burn the first CD on yon miracle" quoth I." Pick something from my vast and varied music collection. It shall be copied and you shall have it!".
"What does copy protection mean?"
Glyn has gone home, now, and I am typing on my faster, stronger, better, more up-to-date PC.
But I am not watching DVDs or burning CDs.
I hate Microsoft.
So. As my only reader, you will recall that since 1 April, I have been whining on and off about my PC which, having developed a personality all its own decided that personality should be based on a sullen 15 year old. Some times I would have 196 meg RAM, at others considerably less. Sometimes I would have drives labelled C, D, E, F and a DVD ROM, nomenclature G.
And then sometimes I would just have C and D. And then the problems with temporary internet files would begin because instead of dumping them on the unsullied 15gig goodness of the E Drive (gone walkabout), the PC would cram them on the spare 25 meg left on C.
So much then for the background travails underlying today's woes.
Today, my good friend, Glyn came round to DO THINGS to my computer, for he KNOWS THINGS about them and their bizarre, electronic ways. Things to which I, sadly, am not privy.
We had arranged to meet up sometime well before my PC became the surly brute of the past week. The intention was to take lunch at the local greasy spoon, to repair to my humble garret and then, armed with his BIG BLACK BAG, Glyn would perform the arcane practice known amongst practitioner circles as the UPGRADE.
An email sent during a break in the surly period warned him to expect an uncooperative patient.
How little we knew.
Commencing at midday,lunch went well. Much grease and caffeine was consumed, and replete, we completed the journey to chez moi.
Now at one-fifteen pm, Glyn advanced purposefully on the PC, opened his BIG BLACK BAG and, incanting the magical chant, "This should be pretty simple" began to perform an operation of electronic surgery with both guile and dexterity.
Myself, in awe of such thing merely bolied water, made tea and offered a selection of music to soothe the furrowed brow of the ENGINEER.
At three pm I took the music off and tuned to ITV 2 to watch the football scores pile up. Glyn toiled on.
At three-forty five, half time, I brewed more tea. Glyn toiled on.
At five pm, after final score (for by such name is the programme known), I brewed more tea. Glyn toiled on.
At six-thirty, there was a yelp of triumph. The patient was doing well, the surgeon pleased. We drank more tea.
"Shouldn't there be more icons along the task bar?" venture I with a little hoarded jargon. "And, large and visible though it is, I prefer a display other than 640 by 400 in 16 colours."
Glyn smiled at my presumption. "I have yet to reboot it" quoth he. For, apparently, settings are changed when disks are moved, formatted andf re-labelled. When large amounts of data are passed back and forth through bios on busses. But it should be quicker now, for "Lo! There is a newer, faster processor. A new motherboard, a new graphics card, and behold, no longer merely a DVD ROM, but a DVD ROM and a CD-R/RW. And the graphics card has 64meg of its own dedicated RAM - no longer shall it leach from system memory."
All hail the mighty ENGINEER, my friend. Glyn. For my PC was now both cured and improved.
I still know not what a 'VDS conflict' may be. But it is a problem most grave. As is the error known as 'invalid driver' (not as one would imagine, a little man in a tricycle car with orange stickers on the windscreen. No, it is something altogether more sinister).
So, further hours spent in toil, whilst I wait in anxious turmoil. And then, success! Joy! The icons are back, the resolution is as preferred, and all is well. I log on to check my email.
Spam only, but my mood is expansive. I do not care for this one time only.
And now it is time to be instructed in the mysteries of BURNING A CD. Ah, long have I waited for this knowledge, this capability. This power.
"So what does it mean, device not recognised?"
"Ah, a minor installation error - nothing to worry about."
Dauntless, Glyn re-advances on the PC. Eyes bright with a feverish determination.
Eight 'o'clock.
"Where has the DVD ROM gone? I see it on the machine, but the PC doesn't recognise it" an innocent query from one baffled by such things.
"It wishes to be Master, but so does the CD-R/RW. I have linked them both in serial through a cable. The cable might be loose."
My PC, it seems in is not PC at all. It works with slaves and masters, and currently there is a power struggle between the two.
Half-past Nine. "That VDS conflict we saw several hours ago. Is it anything to do with the DVD ROM and the CD-R/RW not being on speaking terms?"
"It does not!"
"Oh, well, maybe it's come back to watch and see who wins... and brought the 16 colour resolution back for company."
A fevered debate and much under-breath muttering ensues. The BIG BLACK BAG is raided for further, and more ominous tools. The tea is replaced by strong coffee. Even I, a layman in these matters recognise that the appearance of coffee is an ominous sign.
Eleven-fifteen pm.
A shout of triumph: "I have it!"
I start in amazement.
"Your DVD ROM Is knacked. You need a new one. I have unplugged it for now - we can get a replacement at a later date! The remainder of the mjachine works perfectly and, even sans DVD ROM, is better than it was this morning. It is faster, stronger, better. In short, it is more up-to-date!"
I am overjoyed.
"Let us burn the first CD on yon miracle" quoth I." Pick something from my vast and varied music collection. It shall be copied and you shall have it!".
"What does copy protection mean?"
Glyn has gone home, now, and I am typing on my faster, stronger, better, more up-to-date PC.
But I am not watching DVDs or burning CDs.
I hate Microsoft.