I'll have some of that...

[caddyman]

There is a whole slew of adverts on telly these days that has me thinking that advertisers have either given up completely, and are operating with some kind of post modernist irony. Either that or they are taking the piss.

The two main sets of products that fall into this category are in the field of “beauty” – prevent yourself from becoming a wrinkled old hag who smells like wee – and “health/healthy living”. You know the sort of thing I mean; each product is the best there’s ever been, merely looking at the box will make you live ten years longer and make you look young enough to be a foetus. Nothing new there, the advertisers have been telling is this crap for years. I am actually waiting for someone to try suing them for false representation at some point, since everything they sell is the pinnacle of human endeavour in that particular field is improved and outstrips the competition on every conceivable level, and yet all they have done is change the packaging and charged a premium price.

But what really gets my goat is the pseudoscientific claims for half this crap. It might have sounded clever twenty or thirty years ago, but they have just given up trying in the hope that the jaded public won’t notice.

“Is your face so wrinkled that you look like a menopausal bulldog? It is? Then try new Bilgeslime from Multilever House of Beauty. In clinical trials, tests showed that the scientifically proven application of our new revolutionary ingredient, rinklegroutium hides the process of aging¹ twenty percent more effectively than our competitors’ slap”.

The same crap applies to any lotion, pill, crème or dietary item that claims to have a health benefit. There’s always a dubiously named wonder additive or living culture that no other product has. Indigestion tablets with anti-pronegacalcius, or flatulence powder containing botwarblebungupitas.

Give me a break guys. Stop insulting everyone’s intelligence. Let’s just get back to the ‘Buy this item. We want to sell it, it works and it’s cheap’ mode of advert.

I bet they’d sell more stuff that way.

Anyway, I’m off for a cup of this new coffee I’ve found, with new polyputyketylon for added richness.


¹rinklegroutium may cause you to break out in hives. In case of difficulty, apply any garden or household solvent. Also fills small bathroom tiling cracks.

Comments

[serratia.livejournal.com]

each product is the best there’s ever been, merely looking at the box will make you live ten years longer and make you look young enough to be a foetus.

Hee!

“Is your face so wrinkled that you look like a menopausal bulldog? It is?

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!

And the entire piece is brilliant! Also, very, very true. If you don't want wrinkles: choose your parents carefully (heredity plays a large role), try not to be Caucasian, don't smoke, don't eat junk, drink a lot of water, and STAY THE HELL OUT OF THE SUN! :)

[binidj.livejournal.com]

Of course one of the more amusing aspects of anti-wrinkle cream is that its main active ingredient can also be found in haemorrhoid cream. Now you too can chortle to yourself as models slap Preparation-H all over their faces.

[jfs.livejournal.com]

"Let’s just get back to the ‘Buy this item. We want to sell it, it works and it’s cheap’ mode of advert. "

read an interesting article on Stella Artois yesterday which pointed out that they'd secured a high market share without dropping price.

"Reassuringly expensive", indeed ....

[immerwahr.livejournal.com]

Stella has done that very successfully (that catchy seven note tune before and after the ads for Channel 4 films gives it a certain sepia class as well). It manages that while underneath the whisperstream calls it Wifebeater and it is commonly thought to fuck you up faster than the average chemical cocktail of lager. I'd not be surprised at all if both images stem from the same source.

the hard sell

[bluesman.livejournal.com]

I know I go on far too much about being an immigrant when I respond to your musings, but maybe they do come from a particularly British point of view that I find refreshing after having lived here in the colonies for 15 yrs. Anyway, when I first came to live in America, one of the first of many subtle cultural differences I noticed was in TV commercials. In general, Brit commercials are more imaginative and witty than American ones, which do not mess around: here's our product, it's new, it's better than the rest, buy it now because you NEED it. That's not to say they're any more honest than the Brit advertisers, they just don't know how to entertain you while they lie to you - or maybe they do but are are too callous to care. If they MUST interrupt a perfectly (un)watchable TV prog or film while I'm trying to enjoy it, they ought to at least make me laugh with their undiluted B.S.

Of course, one could watch a channel with no commercials, or go and do something useful while they are on (make a sarnie, take out the rubbish, wash the dishes, take a shower, etc).

By the way, that's entirely correct about anti-wrinkle cream, which is why Preparation H applied under your eyes will clear up the bags there. Not that I've ever needed to do that...

[agentinfinity.livejournal.com]

The one that's winding me up at the moment is the Sunny D advert. Because children might not like sprouts or cabbage, but I'm betting the majority of them will drink actual orange juice and not the filth their peddling. It's just offensive. (Apparently it also turns your child orange, allegedly.)

Sadly, we can't stop stupid people from breeding, as Sunny D are only too aware.

Sir may find the following of interest

[pauln.livejournal.com]

"The cosmetics company L'Oréal was yesterday told to withdraw a multimillion-pound television advertising campaign starring the model Claudia Schiffer after the advertising watchdog found it could not back up the claims made for creams to combat cellulite and wrinkles."

Full Guardian Article.