Perfectly normal paranoia
Friday, February 17th, 2006 10:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caddymanThis morning, as I was standing bleary-eyed in front of the washing basin wondering why the toothpaste was on the right instead of the left where it should be, I noticed that the old wreck in the mirror had a single strand of hair, about ¾ inch long poking up from the middle of his head, just behind the theoretical hair line.
I only noticed because of the chance glint of light off it. A single bloody strand: it must have escaped the clippers when I used them last week, or it’s going for Olympic gold in the hair growth stakes. Now since what little hair I have is fair to blond, it’s unlikely that anyone else would have noticed, but that piece of logic is hardly enough to stifle the incipient paranoia from kicking in. The merest hint of the thought that people might be snickering behind their hands because I have spent a week wandering around looking like a fat, balding Billy Whizz was enough. The hair’s fate was sealed; out came the scissors.
Not that I’m occasionally insecure or anything. Anyway, I’ve had a cup of coffee now, and all is well with the world.
I still don’t know why the toothpaste was on the right, though.
Worrying.
I only noticed because of the chance glint of light off it. A single bloody strand: it must have escaped the clippers when I used them last week, or it’s going for Olympic gold in the hair growth stakes. Now since what little hair I have is fair to blond, it’s unlikely that anyone else would have noticed, but that piece of logic is hardly enough to stifle the incipient paranoia from kicking in. The merest hint of the thought that people might be snickering behind their hands because I have spent a week wandering around looking like a fat, balding Billy Whizz was enough. The hair’s fate was sealed; out came the scissors.
Not that I’m occasionally insecure or anything. Anyway, I’ve had a cup of coffee now, and all is well with the world.
I still don’t know why the toothpaste was on the right, though.
Worrying.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-17 10:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-17 10:49 am (UTC)That would have created titters....
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-17 10:57 am (UTC)On the other hand, if I let them grow, they will form a little thatched roof for my glasses...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-22 01:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-17 10:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-17 01:37 pm (UTC)As usual I shall charge in with the expected...
Date: 2006-02-17 06:58 pm (UTC)"I still don’t know why the toothpaste was on the right, though."
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
Romney's comment!
Date: 2006-02-17 08:53 pm (UTC)As a result you have been rotated into a parallel universe, which is of course a hair-raising experience.
This Universe is similar to your own, but along with the location of the toothpaste there are a few other differences you should be aware of:
There is no teleport-booth to take you to work; you need to use the "Tube". Instead of waving a "Transfer-card" to insert you into a wormhole for a fraction of a second, you wave an "Oyster-card" to insert you into a tunnel for up to the best part of a day. The Wormhole works as a result of quantum "Spooky action at a distance", while the Tube doesn’t due to "Militant inaction at the Union".
And your job here is, I'm afraid, not "Dictator of the Civil Service". However you might be asked to take Dictation, and perhaps to serve tea to someone. Biscuits are supplied, but not to your grade.
In this world, the television program "Firefly" was cancelled, but they did 13 seasons and three movies of a series called "Dallas". Check it out!
Wolves are not owned by a Russian Billionaire, nor are they top of the Premiership
The good news is that there is a magic word that will swap you back, however it is unpronounceable by any means other than actually swallowing a pillow.
Re: Romney's comment!
Date: 2006-02-17 11:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-02-18 12:24 am (UTC)Re: Romney's comment!
Date: 2006-02-18 12:24 am (UTC)