Much to say?

[caddyman]

I am finding it hard to think of anything to write and yet here I am making that the subject of an entry.

What a publicity hound, eh?

I don’t want to write about the weather; I’m fed up with that and I expect you are, too. There’s only so many ways to say that it’s too hot (although the chances of record-breaking July temperatures in London, where it’s currently hotter than Mauritius, is worth noting).

At the same time, I really don’t want to harp on about the tube system. Largely because any muttering I do is linked to the heat, but also because it (or at least the bit I use) has behaved itself impeccably the past couple of days. Let sleeping dogs lie, I say.

This all leaves me with precious little to write about and that is frustrating when you fancy yourself to be a bit of a writer (an unmotivated writer to be sure, but a writer nonetheless. I am blaming my lack of worthwhile written productivity on the heat and tube system. A heady blend of irrelevance and hypocrisy, but it suits me).


That said, I am toying with the idea of blowing a couple of days annual leave and heading up to Shropshire to see Dad, though I’m not sure I really want to and if I do it will be as much out of a sense of guilty duty as anything else. The trouble is I am getting horribly mixed messages from home. Mum says I needn’t worry (and then says something like I won’t hold it against you if something happens to him and you miss seeing him, which a) doesn’t sound like Mum at all and b) leaves me wondering how to interpret such a loaded phrase. Barbie (my sister) thinks I should go up, and the elder niece and nephew seem quite sanguine about it all.

I think I shall probably go, but the more I think about it, the less I want to. I can’t work out in my own head if I am being selfish – Dad is unlikely to notice either way in his condition – or not.

The family can’t quite agree on how poorly he is and neither, it seems, can the doctors. One doctor tells Mum that the brain scan shows damage, the other says it’s all clear. And yet Dad is still in the hospital and clearly not firing on all cylinders. Or maybe he is; it’s just that there are fewer cylinders than there once was. I guess the only thing to do is bite the bullet and go and see what he’s like for myself.

Comments

[failing-angel.livejournal.com]

Shit mate,
I'm so sorry.

When Dad was in a hospice with cancer, it was always quite difficult to go home and see him.
However, I know that both my parents appreciated it - it's hard, but at least you are there for them. It might sound a little twee, but a physical presence is always good in these situations.

Good luck.

[jfs.livejournal.com]

I'd agree - being there, even when (especially when?) someone says 'you don't need to bother' is a difficult choice to make, but the right one.

I had a similar situation recently with my dad, and the only reason that I didn't go see him was because my sister (who lives a couple of miles away from my parents) said that he was actually being honest when he said "don't come" rather than the slightly passive agressive "Oh, don't put yourself out for me ...".

[failing-angel.livejournal.com]

I hate that subtext game.

But that's a good point - I would supplement my initial comment:
I think it would be good to go home - see your Mum, support her.
Depending on how things are with your Dad, you can go and visit, or not if he really doesn't want you to.

But if you're home, at the very least you can help take some of the pressure off your Mum - even little things like the washing up etc can be a bonus.

Anyway..

[westernind.livejournal.com]

There's always the chance it'll be cooler outside London.

I'm allowed to be flip, given the situation with my uncle ;-)

[ellefurtle.livejournal.com]

It's impossible to tell with families sometimes. And I am not at all surprised that you are reluctant to go.
I expect, however, that you will be clearer how things stand if you do, and the family will appreciate the support. Don't let anyone do the passive/agg thing on you though, keep it all open and simple. You are, afterall, just visiting your dad who is a bit poorly at this stage. One step at a time.

[queenortart.livejournal.com]

I would go, that way you cannot spend the next x years beating yourself up because you didn't.

Not that I'd know anything about that personally. *shuffle*

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

Agreed, guilt aversion is always worthwhile, and I speak from sad experience myself. Just go, you'll put your mind at rest, and as others have said, your mum would probably appreciate seeing you, it's most likely a very difficult time for her no matter what she's telling you.

[bluesman.livejournal.com]

I agree with falling_angel and queenortart. If you go, go because he's your dad and you just want to go and see him, even if the two of you will not be able to converse much. I think you'll feel better, and the rest of the family won't be able to jab little comments at you.

When my wife's Grandpa was in hospital a month or two ago, I went to see him at lunch time from work. He and Grandma were there, and I was able to stay for only fifteen mins, but Grandma and I had a jolly chat, and I was told later by Stacey that they really appreciated me turning up, especially as some "closer" family members neither visited nor called. Of course, that was nowt to do with me, but I'm glad Grandpa appreciated it, particularly as it was not much effort on my part and I felt good about it too.

[ash1977law.livejournal.com]

Go see him.

[ysharros.livejournal.com]

"There’s only so many ways to say that it’s too hot"

Oh, I dunno, I keep trying. ;-)

As for your dad, I'll second or third what others have said. I'll add, too, the old chestnut: if you don't do it while you can, you'll probably regret it later. Having begun to reach that "later" stage myself, I now see that there's some truth to that. Fambly is fambly, whatever the baggage... or maybe because of the baggage.

Do it for yourself. Do it for him, them, karma, or all of the above. But do it.

[november-girl.livejournal.com]

I'd say you should go, only because it's better to regret the things you do than the things you don't, as a general rule.

Combine it with something else if you can though, like taking your girl for a walk somewhere lovely, so that the trip will have a positive side too. We are, of course, having people over on Saturday night and you are more than welcome to join us if you so wish.

[caddyman.livejournal.com]

Sadly I shall have to go on my own, as Ms Furtle has to work on her thesis, so no walks, pastoral or otherwise for Bryan.

And because I can't get Friday off, I shall be travelling up to Shropshire on the Saturday, so I can't take advantage of your offer, either. But thanks, anyway! ;-)

[november-girl.livejournal.com]

Well I'm sure there must be some way to combine it with something pleasant. *hug*

[pipsytip.livejournal.com]

Go see him.

I would.

[romney.livejournal.com]

You can't do anything much for your Dad - on account of the hospital will be doing a fine job.

Go home to see your Mum, even if this means Serious Talking.

Visit your Dad while you are there.

[littleonions.livejournal.com]

Its tough, but it would proably make your Mum happy if you went and you'd feel less guilty probably, but these things are horribly difficult to deal with.

[keresaspa.livejournal.com]

Go. It might be uncomfortable but as you say it is a duty and it will stop any possible unpleasantness. Plus in this heat Salop must be better than the suffocation of London.