Oh, Lordy.

[caddyman]

A body with less sense of self worth than myself could be upset. Not me, I take these things on the chin, square jawed and strong shouldered. I am unaffected by the outrage and soldier on manfully.

Yesterday we were chatting in the office about some policy matter, the subject escapes me now, but rest assured that it was of earth-shattering import. We civil servants earn our daily crust; no gossip mongers, we. While we were talking, one of my colleagues, Bev, touched my arm to get my attention and that’s where it all started.

”Ooh, haven’t you got soft skin?”

“Eh?” I responded wittily.

“Your skin. It’s REALLY SOFT”

“Hmm. Er. Yes. Well, thanks. I think…”

“Yeah, it’s amazing! Wha…”

“Er, look, this isn’t the sort of thing a chappish chap likes to talk about in the office, you know. Muskles is one thing, you know, but, well, you know…”

I fancied she took my point, underscored with a stern look as it was and that was that. A couple more pleasantries and then the query that had brought her over and she was off.

This morning however, and the coffee point…

”Ooh, here’s Bryan.”

“Morning, ladies. Just getting my first coffee of the morning!”

“Touch his arm, Ann. He’s got very soft skin!”

“Er. Ooh. Er, blimey. Cripes.” My eloquence was undiminished.

“Oooh yeah. It’s like a baby’s bum!”

“Steady on…”

“My skin’s really rough. What product do you use?”

“Eh? Er. ‘Product’? I don’t use ‘product’…”

“Ooh, your arm’s really silky!”

“Well, I’ve got this stuff I use on my hands…”

I think that’s the point I might have undermined myself, but what’s a chap to do? I wasn’t expecting a two-pronged assault. Still, I have broad shoulders and a thick, if rather soft, skin.

Comments

[furzepig.livejournal.com]

Thanks for this, made me snigger out loud in the office.

[w00hoo.livejournal.com]

I notice he hasn't mentioned the type of oinkment he uses.

[karinmollberg.livejournal.com]

If I wasn´t in the possession of such remarkably baby-arse moist skin (and with this lovely scent to it) myself (in every sense) I´d ask what that product is, that you use, too. As it is, I was already declared being "a sex symbol" only just yesterday "with everything that it takes" whatever that means (am sure the boys were talking my brains) so don´t have to, you see. In case that changes I´ll come back to you for advice, immediately. So far, I believe in washing (on a regular basis), though many people (including the female species) obviously don´t (they prefer perfume). This is why I am not one bit jealous of your soap.

[fencingsculptor.livejournal.com]

I would have thanked them for their kind words regarding the nature of my dermis and explained that in order to maintain its degree of 'silky softness' I used a special ointment formed of extracts from Kitten livers and oils from the plucked belly-feathers of 3 day old ducklings… and used the carcasses for my sandwiches.

[littleonionz.livejournal.com]

I say, they're a bit...forward, aren't they?

[sea-strands.livejournal.com]

So what DO you use, Bryan?

[fencingsculptor.livejournal.com]

THIS !

[wulfboy.livejournal.com]

If your skinned body turns up in the Thames on Monday, you have only yourself to blame.