Hello, goodbye. I hardly knew ye...

[caddyman]

We are approaching the end of an era.

Monday will be the last day in her current posting for Suzi the Office Bombshell. She is moving on to a job in Private Office where she will perform some as yet unspecified function for the Minister. This is the Minister who was to have been Secretary of State until Two Jags told Tony precisely what to do with that part of the proposed reshuffle after the General Election back in May.

The place won't be the same without Suzi. She is one of the few people – make that the only person - I know who must have distilled water in her veins rather than blood. On the hottest of days she is able to sit at her desk covered in cardies and blankets complaining about the cold, while we watch lead melt and drip from the church roof. I have often suspected that being rather too clean living is the problem. She is a tea-total veggie. Actually, I don’t think she drinks tea, either. Not proper tea, anyway – that stuff that actually used to be part of a tea plant, as opposed to the stuff that gets called tea, but is just perfumed dandelion sweepings that somehow tastes of cold chewing gum, no matter how aromatic it smells in the cup. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t touch coffee either, just water and fruit juice.

It’s not right.

Mind you, all is not lost, as she can destroy chocolate and flap jacks faster than a plague of locusts.

Anyway, she’s off from Monday. We have no idea who will take up the existing post. I myself am thinking of putting a fiver on the cave troll option.

Comments

departing bombshells

[bluesman.livejournal.com]

There's a few ladies in our office who might be justifiably referred to as bombshells, and one of them, Elsie, is leaving soon, to work for the District Attorney's office. As I'm the only man in the office of my age, and she is single and only a few years younger than me, and reasonably pretty with a neat little figure, she once foolishly considered me possible dating material. This was long before I met my wife.

One day, at the coffee cart, Elsie unsubtly said, "So, Stephen, do you ever go dancing?"

I dance like a dog does calculus, and I dislike being manipulated, so I said "Good Lord, no."

"Oh," she said, "I loooooove to dance."

I don't remember if I muttered something about how bloody awful I think most dance music is, but she knows I like the blues, not top-40 piffle. The poor wee thing must have been truly desperate to angle for me to ask her out to some noisy club in order to bob about pointlessly for several hours to music that makes me angry. I'm a sedentary chap and prefer to be vertical for no more than 20 mins at a time. If I'm required to combine that with physical activity, the duration drops to no more than 10 mins.

She has lured various hapless gents out since then, and even been engaged to some of them.

If our departing bombshells are replaced by cave trolls, that would be a bloody crime. A bombshell can be annoying (especially if she talks too much or back-stabs) but a cave troll can bring months or years of oppressive office atmosphere with it.

Best to batten down the hatches, and prepare to repel boarders.

[failing-angel.livejournal.com]

where she will perform some as yet unspecified function for the Minister

Now if this was the Tory days, or Herr Blunkett was still in office I'm sure there would be a comment or 12 to be made about this.

[scary-lady.livejournal.com]

If her herbal teas taste of cold chewing gum, what does HOT chewing gum taste like?

That Minister...

[drjohnsilence.livejournal.com]

Would it be one of the Miliband brothers by any chance?

If so, I have plans for it...

Re: That Minister...

[caddyman.livejournal.com]

Indeed, Millipede.

That's Spoilt Your View.

[fencingsculptor.livejournal.com]

Awwwww Sucks that has gone and spoilt your view.

Good luck with the new Cave Troll when it arrives, as I'm sure you won't get anything near as pleasant to watch while sucking her thumb.