Rajah's Revenge

[caddyman]

After some recent slacking, including the eating of the pizza and the drinking of the Coke last night, I have hauled my sorry arse back on the track of righteousness and eaten carrot sticks, humous (damn these words with dozens of spelling options) and a banana.

Unfortunately, it’s Diwali so my colleague Somnath, who is Indian, has brought in some tasty morsels to share about. They are the sort of thing that annoy Furtle in that they are crammed with worthy ingredients and then steeped in syrup. I have consumed a tasty morsel based as it turns out, almost entirely upon the humble lentil. It was very orange and suitably disguised as a round orangey thing. It tasted very nice and not at all lentily.

The thing is, disguise is all it was; a visual and gastronomic disguise to be sure, but just a disguise. You can hide the taste and the appearance of a lentil, but you can’t hide its essential nature and the essential nature of a lentil is sturdy and expansive.

Something sturdy and expansive is happening in my stomach as I type. I’m not sure that I dare have another cup of coffee for a while yet…

This does not happen with meat products.

Comments

[bluesman.livejournal.com]

At the risk of being a pest this morning, you remind me of something F Zappa said in his autobiography. When he was living in poverty in Los Angeles, pre-fame, he bought some lentils as they were all he could afford, cooked the things and ate them. He was unaware that they expand. He was in such mortal agony, and so frightened that they might burst his stomach, that he writhed about on the floor. Just thought I'd reassure you with that, Bry.

[romney.livejournal.com]

If your lentil halwa (or whatever) follows Parkinson's Law It will obviously try to expand to fill the space available. Now I imagine this is a lot to ask of even a considerable quantity of the legume. So don't fret, while the portion you have ingested will certainly do it's best, and absorb all that Civil Service tea, Coke and assorted Juices of a Gastric nature it will exhaust itself after reaching no more than two feet in diameter, and then rattle round in your tum like a little lost thing until expelled.

[caddyman.livejournal.com]

I assume you've experimented by keeping some in your mouth in much the same way?

[romney.livejournal.com]

I've eaten so much of the stuff today that I've now walled-off my larger Intestine, thus I'm expecting the stuff to reappear in my mouth at any time!