(no subject)

[caddyman]

Polishing off the leftover rhubarb crumble for breakfast is all fine and dandy, but here I am middle of the morning eyeing up my desk as a possible snack.

Mungry.

I guess that rhubarb crumble is not quite as ‘slow release’ as my usual mix of Shreddies (knitted by nanas) and Rice Krispies (or at least the Waitrose variant thereof). I doubt that it will help that today’s lunch will again be carrots and houmous with a banana for dessert.

*eyes desk and considers the use of condiments*

Our Central Pay and Pensions Authorised Pensions Administration Centre for DfT and CLG (How big a title do they need?) have been sending out pensions statements over the past couple of weeks. Mine has just arrived, though it was dated 29 October.

These are marvellous documents: every word is in English, every sentence is indecipherable. The only thing that I can work out with any certainty is that should I kick the bucket now, I would be rich. In fact, in strictly financial terms, pegging out now provides me with more money than holding on until I hit retirement age! I should be able to send my corpse on a five star world cruise! When I retire, I shall be able to afford a packet of biscuits. Admittedly this paper does not include a forecast of my likely state pension, but knowing what little I do about the system, I reckon that would allow me to upgrade the biscuits to chocolate Hobnobs.

I see from my ‘Nominations for Benefits’ ie, if my toes curl before time, who gets the cash, is still with my silver haired old Mum. The address is rather out of date, but it shows that my handwriting may not be all I thought it to be. Apparently she lives in Harlescott Orange wherever that maybe. Somewhere in Shewsbury, it seems.

I think the paper was prepared by gibbons.

Comments

[theo]

Harlescott Orange? Presumably a reference to the long tradition of citrus cultivation in Shropshire. I guess that you were hasty with your G... 'grange' being a more feasible reading. Is this some grand farm house or a suburban estate? Or neither.

[caddyman.livejournal.com]

"Grange" indeed.

In quondam times I believe it did live up to the promise of its name and came from column A. In these modern days, alas, it has evolved into column B, though close enough to the edge of town to retain delusions of rurality.

Of course, when I become rich, I shall buy the land, turf the squatters off and return the grange to its former, if imagined, glory.

*better buy a lotto ticket*

[romney.livejournal.com]

That would be Gibbons' The History of the Decline and Fall of the British Pension Fund

[romney.livejournal.com]

...I already have my coat on.

[caddyman.livejournal.com]

Don't forget your hat.

[caddyman.livejournal.com]

I don't believe that I said that.

Rather, with the recession going on, choccy hobnobs will get cheaper.

[mollpeartree.livejournal.com]

If you were starring in a Lifetime Network movie for women (though I don't suppose those ever make it across the pond), you would fake your own death and set yourself up to inherit your pension, possibly as your own long lost brother. Then ellefurtle would find out, and in the course of exacting her revenge upon you (ending in your death or imprisonment) would ally herself with a handsome young man with floppy hair who is good with his hands and loves puppies and children.

So maybe you should just stick with the shrinking pension ...

[caddyman.livejournal.com]

No...

My Furtle would never do that!

Wait! No! Put that knife down; I... Aieeee!!

[fredlums.livejournal.com]

Worry when Elle buys you a canoe and a one way ticket to Seaton Carew for Christmas :)