I'll have some of that...

There is a whole slew of adverts on telly these days that has me thinking that advertisers have either given up completely, and are operating with some kind of post modernist irony. Either that or they are taking the piss.

The two main sets of products that fall into this category are in the field of “beauty” – prevent yourself from becoming a wrinkled old hag who smells like wee – and “health/healthy living”. You know the sort of thing I mean; each product is the best there’s ever been, merely looking at the box will make you live ten years longer and make you look young enough to be a foetus. Nothing new there, the advertisers have been telling is this crap for years. I am actually waiting for someone to try suing them for false representation at some point, since everything they sell is the pinnacle of human endeavour in that particular field is improved and outstrips the competition on every conceivable level, and yet all they have done is change the packaging and charged a premium price.

But what really gets my goat is the pseudoscientific claims for half this crap. It might have sounded clever twenty or thirty years ago, but they have just given up trying in the hope that the jaded public won’t notice.

“Is your face so wrinkled that you look like a menopausal bulldog? It is? Then try new Bilgeslime from Multilever House of Beauty. In clinical trials, tests showed that the scientifically proven application of our new revolutionary ingredient, rinklegroutium hides the process of aging¹ twenty percent more effectively than our competitors’ slap”.

The same crap applies to any lotion, pill, crème or dietary item that claims to have a health benefit. There’s always a dubiously named wonder additive or living culture that no other product has. Indigestion tablets with anti-pronegacalcius, or flatulence powder containing botwarblebungupitas.

Give me a break guys. Stop insulting everyone’s intelligence. Let’s just get back to the ‘Buy this item. We want to sell it, it works and it’s cheap’ mode of advert.

I bet they’d sell more stuff that way.

Anyway, I’m off for a cup of this new coffee I’ve found, with new polyputyketylon for added richness.


¹rinklegroutium may cause you to break out in hives. In case of difficulty, apply any garden or household solvent. Also fills small bathroom tiling cracks.

I'll have some of that...

There is a whole slew of adverts on telly these days that has me thinking that advertisers have either given up completely, and are operating with some kind of post modernist irony. Either that or they are taking the piss.

The two main sets of products that fall into this category are in the field of “beauty” – prevent yourself from becoming a wrinkled old hag who smells like wee – and “health/healthy living”. You know the sort of thing I mean; each product is the best there’s ever been, merely looking at the box will make you live ten years longer and make you look young enough to be a foetus. Nothing new there, the advertisers have been telling is this crap for years. I am actually waiting for someone to try suing them for false representation at some point, since everything they sell is the pinnacle of human endeavour in that particular field is improved and outstrips the competition on every conceivable level, and yet all they have done is change the packaging and charged a premium price.

But what really gets my goat is the pseudoscientific claims for half this crap. It might have sounded clever twenty or thirty years ago, but they have just given up trying in the hope that the jaded public won’t notice.

“Is your face so wrinkled that you look like a menopausal bulldog? It is? Then try new Bilgeslime from Multilever House of Beauty. In clinical trials, tests showed that the scientifically proven application of our new revolutionary ingredient, rinklegroutium hides the process of aging¹ twenty percent more effectively than our competitors’ slap”.

The same crap applies to any lotion, pill, crème or dietary item that claims to have a health benefit. There’s always a dubiously named wonder additive or living culture that no other product has. Indigestion tablets with anti-pronegacalcius, or flatulence powder containing botwarblebungupitas.

Give me a break guys. Stop insulting everyone’s intelligence. Let’s just get back to the ‘Buy this item. We want to sell it, it works and it’s cheap’ mode of advert.

I bet they’d sell more stuff that way.

Anyway, I’m off for a cup of this new coffee I’ve found, with new polyputyketylon for added richness.


¹rinklegroutium may cause you to break out in hives. In case of difficulty, apply any garden or household solvent. Also fills small bathroom tiling cracks.

Delayed reaction

I nearly always have difficulty getting to sleep on Sundays, after a weekend of slothful relaxation and lazing around.

This Sunday I went to bed a little earlier than usual, and took a couple of Nytol herbal sleeping pills just to help me doze off. At the time I thought that they had done the trick, now I realise that I was fooling myself.

I think they have just now kicked in.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Delayed reaction

I nearly always have difficulty getting to sleep on Sundays, after a weekend of slothful relaxation and lazing around.

This Sunday I went to bed a little earlier than usual, and took a couple of Nytol herbal sleeping pills just to help me doze off. At the time I thought that they had done the trick, now I realise that I was fooling myself.

I think they have just now kicked in.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz