Grumpy Old Man

[caddyman]

Hm.

Still too tired to rant constructively (or entertainingly) so that will go back now to the weekend at which point the simmer should be complete and my feelings on the subject baked hard to the bottom of the pan. When better to chip them out and spread them before the eager world, eh?

I am not, however, too tired to make observations on life, and today's observation served for your delectation is this: I have forgotten the much cherished skill of negotiating crowds.

I well recall the days when I would wander through Oxford Street on the approaches to Christmas, when it is at its very busiest, and navigate the morass of bewlidered humanity with the calm equanimity of a battleship in high seas, sedate and unperturbed. I should select a destination and go there, regardless of the pell mell of humanity around me, casting the ocasional glare at some surly brute who failed to vacate the spot directly in front of me, and careless of the slow moving traffic (except, of course, Black Cabs, who were ever and will always remain deserving of respect) march with purpose across the road.

At some point, and not too recently either, I fancy, this skill has evaded me. I find even the smallest crowd of people to be an annoying distraction, worthy of the greatest carnage and bloodiest pain. I constantly stop to let the ignorati past, or change direction to avoid clumps of twee-brained gargoyles who stop for no apparent reason directly in front of me.

At one time, walking down the street allowed me the time to order my thoughts, play out in my head the theme tune du jour, and daydream about giant robots bestriding the city.

Nowadays my walking fantasies involve high calibre cannon, flame throwers and machetes.

I think I need a holiday.

Comments

[bibliogirl.livejournal.com]

I am impressed that you could treat the slicks of human treacle which form Oxford Street's pedestrians so calmly. I never quite managed the skill even when I was working there on Saturdays and in school holidays. These days I try to avoid the place around Christmas; it's not that hard given that few of the shops I frequent are there. I might nip into the Virgin Megastore for a couple of things, but in general I gift neither my friends nor my relations with mobile phone accessories, implausible boots, tacky London souvenirs or items of clothing made for those women with the figures of Barbie dolls...

[keith-london.livejournal.com]

I plan to visit Oxford Street - well after Xmas, and the post-Xmas sales, during the lull between that and the New Year.

[caddyman.livejournal.com]

From memory that will give you about 20 minutes on the street before it fills back up!

[eldelphia.livejournal.com]

My problem when living in London was that I almost always felt like this

'I find even the smallest crowd of people to be an annoying distraction, worthy of the greatest carnage and bloodiest pain. I constantly stop to let the ignorati past, or change direction to avoid clumps of twee-brained gargoyles who stop for no apparent reason directly in front of me.'

As for Oxford Street I remember the time I found it was less stress (having walked from Holburn to Tottenham Court road) to go down into the tube station and along one stop to Oxford Circus on the tube and back up again than walk!!! I usually only wanted to raid the John Lewis sewing pattern desk and preferred to walk for the exercise. If I did I could not get there and back in an hour for the sheer volume of human traffic...

[november-girl.livejournal.com]

When they really start pissing you off, there's nothing quite so therapeutic as demonstrating their total idiocy to yourself. I find one of the most effective ways of doing this is to stop in the middle of the pavement in Oxford Street or such like, point upwards and shout "ohmigod! Up there! On top of the building! I can't believe it!" and see how many other people stop and point before calmly walking away, leaving them pointing at something you just made up. It works. It's dead funny, and quite therapuetic too.