Ye Gods and Little Fishes

[caddyman]

Does anyone know where I can rent a Sedan Chair and two burly servants at a knock down price?

Last night I thought my back was finally showing signs of sorting itself out. This morning it was as bad as ever, and I seem to be chobbling back painkillers like they're going out of fashion (though I am careful to limit the paracetamol based stuff).

This is well past being a joke, but short of declaring it a medical emergency (which it patently isn't), I can't get to the quack until Tuesday morning.

Fek. Fekkity fek.

And Ow. Owowowowowowowow.

I am truly fed up with this.

Comments

Tequila Works

[immerwahr.livejournal.com]

I'm heading out this evening, all wide-brimmed hat and butchery blades, so I'll find for you some fine, strapping rugby-playing lad (a back obviously, no common scrummer) and claim his spine for your own. It seems as if the current occupant is an unwelcome guest, one that kicks up and plays their music loud. The worse of it is, it's not even music you favour. I'll evict with you if required.

Tequila works. Have a better weekend.

for aching backs

[forbinproject.livejournal.com]

Ignore your gp - unless they can get you a referral to a chiropractor (good luck!). Failing that pay to go to a chiropractor - worked absolute wonders for me. Expect to shell out at least 50 squid upfront and about £25-30 per session after that. Worth every penny IMHO.

You need "Honest Abe's Cart-U-Round"

[romney.livejournal.com]

Five Guineas - Deluxe service
Carried in gilded palanquin borne by four Nubian slaves. You are preceded by trumpeters and a uniformed crier announcing your fame. Tapestry drapes. Silk cushions. Choice of wenches, with a complementary grape peeler.

One Guinea - Ambassador service
Transported in lacquered Sedan chair by champion weightlifters. Preceded by liveried footman bearing your standard and a boy-drummer. Damask curtains. Satin cushions. Dusky Oriental lass serving Champagne.

Ten Shillings - Business class
Borne on a litter by two stevedores. Private guard to expedite passage. Cotton drapes and cushions. Professional lady available at cost. Wine is served.

5 shillings - Tourist
Rickshaw pulled by local street-person. Accompanied by Tout. Bring a rug from your hotel. Pause at street corner for introduction to local working girls. Hot-dog from handcart.

1 shilling - Commuter
Chase after bus, followed by pickpocket. Loose scarf and gloves. Stood up by harlot. Street pizza.

1d - Deadbeat
Drunken labourer drags you around by your heels. Chased by rabid dog. Choice of venereal disease.

Gratis - Pauper
Share wheelbarrow with plague victim. Stoned by angry crowd. Last rites mumbled by defrocked priest.

[sea-strands.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear it's still bad. Chiropractor brilliant idea; or lying out flat on a hard floor as I recall. It's just impossible to get up again; have to roll to the side and make crab like movements.