Further ramblings of a self-made pauper

I may have been a little unwise.

We had a branch meeting this afternoon – a weekly occurrence – and the gaffer brought in doughnuts. This happens from time to time and we all rather appreciate it. Normally he just nips in to Sainsbury’s and purchases a box of their rather chewy jam doughnuts. Today he went to Krispy Kreme

Now there is something about a Krispy Kreme doughnut that is unlike just about any other doughnut on earth. I mean quite apart from the wide selection of fillings and icings &c. The actual dough bit is different, too. I am not sure what they do to them or what they are made from, but they are quite clearly different.

I think my mistake was to go back for a second, given that there were spares.

The first doughnut was, to all intents and purposes a straight forward jam one with icing on. As is natural to its kind, it was oval and there was a hint of red at one end, revealing a hint of the jammy goodness inside. The thing is, I am not sure that red stuff was jam. I mean it tasted well, red. I am pretty sure that you are not supposed to be able to identify colour by taste. The doughnut itself was comparatively crisp on the outside yet chewy on the inside, like some bloated legless bug¹. I am more than half sure that it cunningly avoided most if not all of the major food groups, which considering that I have a rather lax definition of same, is saying something.

I should have left it there, but a little later in the afternoon, I discovered that there was one left. A strange brown ring confection with the shape and consistency of a puckered turd². I am not sure what it was made from either; it was more cakey than doughy. I think chemical waste may have been involved.

Now it would be pushing it to suggest that I can see through time and space having eaten these items, but there is a quite distinct prism effect around objects more than a couple of yards away, and my hands are buzzing just short of the speed needed to phase through solid matter. I think I must be on the tail end of the sugar rush from Hell.

I may dispense with dinner tonight, or restrict myself to a TUC biscuit before bed.

¹Which, sadly, is not unlike I feel at the moment.

²With 20/20 hindsight, that should have been warning enough.

For our team meeting this morning, the boss brought in a box of Krispy Kreme Dough Nuts,¹ which was rather good of him.

Had he thought it through however, he would have remembered that there are only three of us here at the moment, including him. So to buy a half dozen and then fall to the sucker punch of being offered a further half dozen for a single pound didn't make as much sense as he might have thought.

Krispy Kremes are an unabashed sugar delivery system, avoiding any and all of the remaining major non-carbohydrate food groups beyond that. I had one with my coffee this morning, and spent several hours unable to blink. I have had another, and more coffee. Lots more coffee and I haven't finished with coffee today, yet.

I shall be sleeping on the ceiling tonight.

¹I am prepared to use the proprietary name for these things, but I refuse to compromise over the spelling of the sweetmeat itself. So there.